Sumiko At 61: The cost of grief and vet care – will I still want to have a dog when I retire?

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There are benefits to having companion animals but they come with downsides too.

 

When I saw Bella standing by her water bowl that Monday morning three weeks ago, I knew in my gut that I’d be in for another period of worry and tears.

 

There was a strained look on her face and something in her posture that indicated she wasn’t all well.

 

When I went over to carry her, she relaxed in my arms, which you would think was a good sign, but it wasn’t.

 

I adopted Bella from an animal rescue shelter in September 2020. She was probably about seven years old then, a breeding dog who had been abandoned. 

 

She had been nursed by the shelter and was on the road to recovery. I brought home a tiny, fat, white chihuahua who waddled rather than walked.

 

Her hair had been shorn and she looked like a cross between a piglet and bear. Her fur grew out fluffy and soft, and with her apple-shaped head and big, round black eyes, she became a picture-perfect long-haired chihuahua. 

 

Beneath the pretty appearance, though, she was unusually guarded.

 

She was wary of humans and it took weeks before she stopped eyeing us with suspicion.

 

No matter how much we loved her, patted and cooed over her, there was a part of her that hung back. She wasn’t one to throw herself at you when you came home.

 

She wouldn’t take food from my hand; I would have to place it on the floor.

 

Whenever anyone carried her, her whole body would stiffen and she’d have a grimace on her face. Once we put her back on the floor, she’d shake herself as if to rid herself of our touch.  

 

She was the happiest around food, waddling about with excitement and giving out funny “quak-quak” barks.

 

When she was neutered soon after I got her, the vet said the operation was complicated as her insides had been messed up, probably because she had given birth multiple times.

 

In December 2024, when we took her to the vet for a check-up, he told us Bella had Cushing’s disease, which explained her increased thirst, urination, panting and hair loss.

 

He also found a mammary tumour, which could be malignant or benign. Given her age, small size and Cushing’s diagnosis, I decided to watch it rather than have it removed.

 

Then came the Monday in February when I felt something was off. She was probably too weak to stiffen her body – her natural response – when I carried her, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time. 

 

She could still walk and was eating, though she stopped barking for food. I thought I’d just monitor her and hope for the best.

 

On Thursday morning, we woke up to find pus and blood on the floor where she had been sleeping. Her tumour, which appeared to have spread overnight, had burst in several places. She was panting heavily.

 

When I took her to the vet, I was mentally prepared that we might have to let her go.

 

There were some touch-and-go moments when her breathing became very laboured, but she was a fighter. Her condition stabilised and on Friday evening we were allowed to bring Bella home.

 

She gave us one more week. 

 

During that time, her appetite was good and she could walk. Her tumour wounds healed amazingly well, raising our hopes that she might recover after all. One dinner time, she even gave her quak-quak bark.

 

But her breathing was still laboured despite us putting her in an oxygen cage.

 

In the end, the cancer probably got to her. She died on Valentine’s Day.

 

I’d like to think that, in her last week, she finally allowed herself to let her guard down. She didn’t seem to mind it when I sat next to her and stroked her. She actually ate from my hand.   

 

Why we love them

 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never had a period in my life when I didn’t have a dog. Mixed breeds, terriers, bichon frises, pomeranians, chihuahuas – I’ve loved them all and grieved when each one died. 

 

When I picture my old age, it’s always with dogs by my side. 

 

Lately, though, I wonder if that will happen.

 

I’m not sure how much more repeated grief and tears I can take. And even if I can, will I be able to afford the high cost of owning a pet?

 

The grief when a pet dies is real, though not everyone is sympathetic to it. Some might even think dedicating a full page to talking about dying dogs is sheer indulgence.

 

Dr Teo Boon Han, president of the Singapore Veterinary Association (SVA), says the human-pet bond can vary significantly. There are owners of working dogs, such as guard and herding dogs, who won’t allow the animals into their homes.

 

But for many pet owners in developed countries, including Singapore, pets are family. A loss is devastating and the grief can be overwhelming, Dr Teo says.

 

“We see pet owners who are willing to do anything and everything for their pets on a day-to-day basis at our practice,” says Dr Teo, a veterinarian and pet nutritionist at Canopy Veterinary Centre.

 

The grief when a pet dies often mirrors the emotions we experience with the loss of people, with feelings like guilt and anger.

 

A 2019 Italian study on dog owners found that many humanise their pets, viewing them not as animals but as emotional beings with their own needs and rights, and “on the same continuum” with humans, rather than as separate entities.

 

Owning pets can bring real emotional benefits, as was seen during the Covid-19 pandemic when pet ownership surged as people sought companionship amid loneliness and social restrictions.

 

Even brief encounters with animals have been shown to improve moods.

 

In 2006, the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) introduced animal-assisted activities to enhance the well-being of patients. Volunteer groups bring dogs and cats into certain wards to interact with patients.

 

An IMH spokesman says these sessions are eagerly anticipated and patients often leave with their moods lifted.

 

Ms Toh Jie Yi, a senior occupational therapist at IMH, points to research that suggests that interactions with animals can stimulate the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and emotional well-being, while also reducing levels of stress-related hormones such as cortisol, epinephrine and norepinephrine. 

 

This hormonal shift is linked to enhanced positive emotions and a reduction in stress and anxiety.

 

Playing with an animal provides multi-sensory experiences that can help with emotional balance and self-control, Ms Toh says.

 

The feeling of the animal’s fur and the rhythm of movement can trigger the body’s relaxation response, helping to reduce stress and improve one’s mood.

 

Ms Toh adds that having pets can help older adults manage physical, social and mental challenges. 

 

Caring for the animals involves daily activities that support functions such as mobility and balance. Tasks like feeding and cleaning up after them can encourage independence and create meaningful routines.

 

Pets offer companionship and encourage you to interact with other pet owners. This helps reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness – factors that can speed up cognitive and physical decline in older adults.

 

Additionally, cognitive abilities can be stimulated when you have to remember feeding times and plan pet care routines.

 

The benefits of pet ownership are clear – but so is the grief when they are gone.

 

Even if you have experienced the death of other pets before, the pain when another one passes never lessens.

 

I’m not confident I’ll have the energy to deal with that emotional exhaustion when I’m older, given how I’d also be contending with other stresses and my own health issues.

 

Do I want the loss of a pet on top of the other inevitable losses that will come my way?

 

It is especially hard when you have to make the decision on whether to euthanise your pet.

 

Are you prolonging your pet’s suffering for selfish reasons (you want just another week of its time)? Or ending it for selfish reasons too (because you’ve booked a holiday)?

 

The general advice is that if a dog can still eat, it is not time yet to say goodbye. Even so, I’ve regretted extending the suffering of at least two of my dogs beyond what I should have.

 

There are other practical considerations for older people.

 

The physical demands of keeping a pet, such as walking and feeding it, should not be underestimated, especially when it comes to bigger dogs. You’ll need the energy to match your pet’s.

 

Small dogs, on the other hand, can be a tripping hazard.

 

The cost of care

 

Bella spent 32 hours warded at the vet and her care totalled $2,600, including $800 for one night in the intensive care unit.

 

I don’t regret spending a single cent on her, or on any of my other pets. But veterinary costs are very high and while I can afford it now, will I be able to when I’m retired and living off my savings?

 

It doesn’t help that I adopt rescues, which are older and have more health problems.

 

A rescue pomeranian I fostered had an autoimmune disease and then a corneal infection. We made 18 visits to the vet over the course of 12 months for blood and other tests.

 

I treasured every outing with her, but I also don’t want to think about those 18 vet bills I’d paid. Can I do all this at the age of 71?

 

The cost of veterinary care isn’t likely to go down. It has risen globally as well in the developed world, with costs in Britain and the US increasing by about 50 per cent since 2015. This surge is partly due to advancements in veterinary medicine, but other factors are at play, especially in Singapore.

 

Dr Teo from SVA highlights a shortage of veterinary professionals, partly due to Singapore’s lack of a veterinary programme. The emotional strain of the job has led many to leave the industry, and costs are driven up as clinics compete to hire workers.

 

Manpower in the veterinary sector also comes under general retail/services where strict foreign manpower quotas apply, again driving up costs, Dr Teo says.

 

He points out how, in the US, a federal Bill has paved the way to allow pet owners to use their national savings plan for pet insurance and vet care, and suggests it is something to consider in Singapore. I wouldn’t hold my breath, though, for pet owners to be allowed to dip into their MediSave for this.

 

Dr Teo says the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has a community clinic to provide affordable care, but this should be reserved for the most needy animals. As for pet insurance, he advises owners to carefully review the terms to ensure they are suitable.

 

He has another suggestion: “Setting aside emergency funds is equally effective.”

 

On their part, owners can take preventive care for their pets, such as routine dental scaling, vaccinations and parasite prevention, he says.

 

He also advocates a “spectrum of care” when pets fall sick.

 

The “gold standard” of care is not always the best option for every pet and owner. It typically comes with higher costs, and each owner’s situation may require different choices, he says. 

 

For example, the gold standard for treating a cruciate ligament injury or rupture in a dog – a common cause of lameness – would involve scans, multiple radiographs and advanced surgery by specialists.

 

There are less expensive but reasonable alternatives. A non-surgical specialist could perform surgery, or an owner could opt for conservative treatments such as weight management, physiotherapy and pain relief.

 

Similarly, for pets with skin masses – like Bella – the gold standard would involve biopsy and surgery. A more conservative approach might include monitoring the mass, pain relief and palliative care.

 

Owners should build a relationship with the vet to make such decisions.

 

“There should be no shame or judgment if you choose a treatment option that is below the gold standard, and it does not mean that you love your pet less,” Dr Teo says. 

 

The night my Bella died, I had a strange dream. 

 

I was at a house where the garden overlooked a sort of sandy riverbank. 

 

“Look,” I cried in my dream, “there’s a dog.” 

 

Under the sand, a black-and-white French bulldog was wriggling itself free.

 

I looked closer and saw more and more dogs lying by the riverbank. Big dogs and small, abandoned and neglected but alive. 

 

Maybe my subconscious was telling me something.

 

Maybe I had better start building up my retirement pet fund.

 

• Sumiko Tan is Chief Columnist & Senior Editor, Publications, at The Straits Times.

 

 

Source: The Straits Times © SPH Media Limited. Reproduced with permission.
Photo: The Straits Times
Written By: Sumiko Tan
 

 

 

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