Minor Issues: Things I would tell my 20-year-old self if I could
Published on
12 Jan 2025
Published by
The Straits Times
SINGAPORE – I was watching Terminator: Dark Fate during the New Year holidays. In the 2019 film, human-like machines and an augmented female warrior were sent back from the future to fight for humanity.
Watching the action-packed movie fired up my imagination. What if I could travel back in time? What would I tell my younger and clueless self?
If experience is a good teacher, these are the three lessons that, at 54, I would like to share with myself at 20.
My first message: Don’t take things too seriously because most things will sort themselves out eventually. For this, too, shall pass, goes the Persian adage.
I would tell my younger self that he is given the space to be human, however flawed, but not a perpetually miserable one. It is said that pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.
My younger self must learn not to carry hurts with him and allow bitterness to darken his world. He must know that anything that he cannot let go becomes a part of him. It changes him for the worse.
While we may be separated by time, what connects us is what my younger self sows, I reap later.
My second lesson has two parts: Take nothing for granted and always be grateful.
This may sound trite, but it is time-tested advice.
I would tell my younger self what the French novelist Marcel Proust said: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
As my younger self journeys through life, experiencing different seasons, the landscape will change for him. From graduation to marriage, and from marriage to family, he will be kept busy. As life unfolds, he will be taking it all in with little time to process.
But he will settle down. The colours gradually fade into the background, what is novel becomes familiar.
While it is said that familiarity breeds contempt, what my younger self has to also watch out for is apathy. When indifference sets in, one tends to take things and people for granted.
My younger self will then need new eyes to see the familiar landscape in a different light. As Proust observed, the real voyage of discovery comes when people take the time to add depth to their experiences. To do that, I would remind my younger self to always be grateful.
When I was in my 40s, I struggled to be content. I looked around and compared myself with my peers. I was mostly unsettled, secretly yearning to be someone else. I felt inadequate with what I had and kept longing for what was not within my reach.
I therefore missed out on many opportunities to spend quality time with my loved ones. Those chances are lost forever.
My younger self needs to know that envy puts blinkers over our eyes and our world narrows. He must never lose sight of the big picture, and how being grateful keeps us focused on what matters in our life.
A heart of thanksgiving cherishes all the things that money cannot buy, like a reassuring hug after a good sharing or a word of encouragement that uplifts the soul.
My last lesson to my younger self comes from an encounter a few years back.
A friend of mine was told by his doctor that he had about six months to live. In response, my friend exclaimed: “Let’s celebrate life.”
My younger self should be reminded of that: Celebrate life. If he learns not to take things too seriously and for granted, and always be grateful, this last lesson should come naturally.
I would like my younger self to know that there is much about life to celebrate. Every storm has a silver lining. Every adversity has a path that beckons us to overcome.
I would remind him that after a good cry comes the clarity of hope. After healing comes experience and wisdom. In his own pain, he is more attuned to the pain of others.
As he journeys through the hardscrabble path of life, he should watch out for growth opportunities and seize them.
So, celebrate life for all its colours and variety. Life rewards those who cherish the journey.
- Michael Han is a father of three and managing partner of a legal firm.
Source: The Straits Times © SPH Media Limited. Reproduced with permission.
Photo: The Straits Times
Written By: Michael Han
ALL views, content, information and/or materials expressed / presented by any third party apart from Council For Third Age, belong strictly to such third party. Any such third party views, content, information and/or materials provided herein are for convenience and/or general information purposes only. Council For Third Age shall not be responsible nor liable for any injury, loss or damage whatsoever arising directly or indirectly howsoever in connection with or as a result of any person accessing or acting on any such views, content, information and/or materials. Such third party views, content, information and/or materials do not imply and shall not be construed as a representation, warranty, endorsement and/or verification by Council For Third Age in respect of such views, content, information and/or materials.
