Sumiko At 60: When your husband retires before you, and doesn’t want to ‘unretire’

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Things can get complicated at home when couples share different views on retirement.

 

“Honey, let me have some enjoyment first.”

 

I couldn’t see my husband’s face in the dark. But his tone was verging on impatience. I bit my tongue, turned away from him and kept my mouth shut. 

 

Earlier, while waiting for him to join me in bed, I went job hunting – for him.

 

MyCareersFuture, Jobstreet, Careers@Gov, LinkedIn – I was furiously scrolling through these sites and messaging him links to job openings.

 

When he finally plonked himself down next to me, my brain was racing and I was wide awake. I was ready to discuss my suggestions with him. 

 

But he switched off the lights and settled down to sleep.  

 

My attempts to get him to talk about his next career move drew the irritated response.

 

It wasn’t the first time I’d tried to engage him on this subject.

 

In the months before H retired as a teacher on his 63rd birthday in July, I’d spent a lot of time looking at job advertisements. But the links I sent to his phone remained largely unread. 

 

You could say we view retirement differently.

 

For him, it is a well-deserved break after nearly four decades of working life, stretches of which he didn’t particularly enjoy.

 

The way he sees it, he has a limited number of healthy years left, physically and mentally. He doesn’t want to be stricken by an illness and regret not having chased his dreams.

 

He knows how he wants to spend his retirement.

 

One is to play chess full-time. The game has been a lifetime obsession and he intends to take the time to study it seriously, play in overseas tournaments to raise his rating, and make it to the World Senior Chess Championship for the over-65s.

 

In between, he wants to go backpacking off the beaten track. Backpacking because he needs to “live within my means”, as he puts it, and also because he’s always fancied the idea of being an adventurer.  

 

I, on the other hand, view retirement as akin to a death sentence.

 

I started working in The Straits Times on May 15, 1985. I was 21 years and five months old. I’ve been in the same job and in the same organisation since, and the longest breaks I’ve taken from work were three-week vacations.

 

I enjoy what I do and I like my colleagues. Work gives me a sense of identity and purpose. It provides an income, a social network and a structure and discipline to my life. 

 

The thought of losing all this fills me with dread, though I know this is a transition I will have to make sooner or later.

 

I didn’t always feel this way about retirement.

 

Up to my mid-50s, I looked forward to it, the way H does. I even pitied people who seemed to be clinging on to their jobs. Surely they have better things to do than go to the office every day? When my time comes, I told myself, I will embrace retirement.

 

But as I hit 60, the thought of saying goodbye to working life started to look daunting. 

 

The period of freedom that awaited me could well be a period of loss. What was I going to do with myself and my time? How was I going to measure my self-worth? Would I outlive my savings?

 

There’s also nothing quite like retirement to make you confront your mortality. Once retired, I wouldn’t be able to escape that I had embarked on my twilight years.

 

Retirement and re-employment

 

Given Singapore’s super-aged status, many others have, and will be, facing the same issues I’m going through.

 

Singapore’s current retirement age is 63 and re-employment age is 68. These are set to be increased to 65 and 70 respectively by the year 2030 – as they should, since people today are generally healthier, and expected to live longer, than those in previous generations.

 

The concept of a “re-employment age” was introduced in 2012 to address concerns that the retirement age – 62 at the time – came too early.

 

Under the Retirement and Re-employment Act, employers are required to offer re-employment to “eligible” employees who reach the retirement age, allowing them to continue working up to the re-employment age.

 

Eligibility is determined by an employee’s “satisfactory” work performance, medical fitness to continue working, and minimum years of service.

 

But this option isn’t so straightforward. Employers are not obligated to re-employ an eligible employee if they are unable to find a “suitable” position for them, despite making “reasonable efforts” to do so. 

 

Anecdotally, older workers don’t feel particularly valued by companies, which they assume must prefer younger and cheaper employees.

 

Indeed, a 2023 survey conducted by NTUC and the People’s Action Party’s Seniors Group bore this out. It found that about 63 per cent of 1,400 working residents aged 50 and above cited “negative employer attitudes and age discrimination” as the factor that would discourage them from working beyond retirement age. 

 

Other factors that stood in their way were inflexible working arrangements (60 per cent), health issues (54 per cent) and limited suitable job options (53 per cent).

 

A Ministry of Manpower spokesman, however, assured me that the situation on the ground was more hopeful.

 

Over nine in 10 senior workers who were eligible and wished to continue working were offered re-employment in 2023. Those who weren’t must be offered an Employment Assistance Payment to tide them over while they look for another job. “However, this should only be offered after a thorough review, as a last resort,” the spokesman said.

 

In March 2024, the Government said the retirement age would be raised to 64, and re-employment age to 69, from July 1, 2026. The new retirement age will apply to those born on or after July 1, 1963, and the new re-employment age to those born on or after July 1, 1958. 

 

I’m glad I make the new retirement cut-off.  

 

Arguments to rethink

 

In the months before H’s retirement, I tried several tactics to convince him that retreating from working life so early would affect his well-being and our financial health.

 

First up was the cognitive decline argument. 

 

Social isolation has been linked to an increased risk of dementia, I cautioned, and staying socially engaged later in life is strongly associated with better memory and cognitive skills. You know you’ll lose many of your social connections once you stop working, I warned.

 

When that didn’t budge him, I shifted to the financial argument.

 

“I don’t like the idea of being the sole breadwinner,” I whined. “And what if I’m retrenched?”

 

At least stay employed until you’re 65, when your CPF Life payouts begin, I urged him.

 

That didn’t sway him either. “You’re already the main breadwinner,” he said. 

 

I switched strategies and suggested that with all his newfound free time, surely he should contribute more around the house. Can I look forward to delicious, healthy meals when I come home?

 

“Sure,” he agreed.

 

I decided to make the best of the situation.

 

There was one area he let me have control over – his retirement “wardrobe”.

 

I insisted that he wasn’t going to spend his days hanging around in a tatty T-shirt and sport shorts. He should at least look like a presentable retired person. We went shopping for tailored bermudas, chinos, well-fitted T-shirts, a few linen shirts and sneakers.

 

His first week of retirement was productive and promising. He fixed a leaking tap and repainted six rusty kitchen chairs and even an entire wall. He picked up my copy of the Essential Ottolenghi cookbook and got me to mark the recipes I’d like him to try.

 

Things went downhill at week two. I found him draped on the sofa watching Netflix at 9am as I set off for work. No home-cooked meal awaited when I returned, either.

 

It’s been just six weeks since he retired, and we’re still figuring things out.

 

On money matters, I sought advice from Ms Daphne Lye, a financial planning solutions lead at MoneyOwl, a financial advisory firm under Temasek Trust. Her insights suggest there might yet be some benefits to H and I staggering our retirements.

 

Since I’m still working, she suggested that he could delay taking his CPF Life payouts when he turns 65. Monthly payouts will increase by up to 7 per cent for each year of deferral.

 

H’s approach to retirement could also offer valuable lessons for me, she pointed out.

 

There is often some uncertainty about how much one should spend in retirement, Ms Lye said. 

 

“Some may spend too much at the start by travelling extensively while they are still in good health and to reward themselves for years of hard work. Others are overly prudent as they fear outliving their savings,” she said.

 

“When one party starts retirement first, the couple can jointly assess and gauge how much income is truly needed in retirement based on their desired lifestyle, and assess whether their retirement savings are sufficient and how much to draw from them.”

 

As I write this, H is on a three-week diving holiday in the Perhentian Islands in Terengganu, Malaysia.

 

The weekend before he left, he made me dinner from the Ottolenghi cookbook – semolina gnocchi topped with melted cheese and an edamame and avocado spread. (It sounds nicer than it tasted, but the effort was appreciated.)

 

He took a 16-hour train ride from Johor Bahru to Kota Bharu, then a bus and ferry, and is staying in a modest inn.

 

He’s loving his time there, and I’m happy for him. See, I don’t begrudge him his enjoyment.

 

Adjusting to his retirement will take time. We’ll need to manage our different approaches and will likely irritate each other until we reach some kind of acceptance.

 

At the end of the day, I’m just grateful to have a partner to share this period in my life, even if it’s someone lounging around in a tatty T-shirt.

 

 

Source: The Straits Times © SPH Media Limited. Reproduced with permission.

 

 

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